In the interest of FEELING...

After finding The Sad Place article after my last post, the-so-extremely-at-touch-with-her-feelings author of Your Courageous Life has now sent me some more food for thought with The Angry Place (part 1) and it's follow up The Angry Place (part 2). 

She talks eloquently about letting yourself FEEL your emotions  - because there is a REASON you are feeling them.  Your emotions are the only outlet that your body has to keep you healthy, and if you are suppressing them, you will not be operating at your best. 

*lightbulb moment*

I'll admit it.  I'm angry.  A lot.  And i've also had times when i've been very, VERY sad.  So these posts struck a chord with me.

Also this week, Elizabeth, over at Motherhood is Not for Wimps has written a post about Ayelet Waldman - Bad Mother.

Do you remember the uproar in America (a couple of?) years ago about comments that Ayelet had made about loving her husband more than her children?  Well she has since written a book about the "the hard side of motherhood – the banality, the drudgery, the negative impact it has on a marriage" and is doing wonderful things for lowering the bar for mothers.

That sounds bad, doesn't it?  But have a read of the article and tell me that you don't agree with some of her arguments.  I Dare You. *whispers* .... I Do.

Sometimes I am so ANGRY about motherhood and the change it has had on my life.  And that's where I come back to The Angry Place articles above.  

I suppress that feeling more often than not, although I am not a saint and will readily admit to many random eruptions of irrelevant anger, shouting, slamming of doors, stomping etc etc. 

I suppress the anger because I feel guilty that my love for my children isn't enough for me to be happy.    After all they are just children.  They love me unconditionally.  They don't leave their toys on the floor or spill their drink on the carpet just to get at me.  They . are . just . children.  And I so totally heart them.

How can I feel such anger/hate/rage towards my life (and by extension, them - two of the best things that ever happened to me and the reason that I want to be a better person)?  

Conundrum, much?

I just kick myself for not getting my shit together before children...